BIPOLAR NATION: WORLDS OF MENTAL DIS–EASE

This week’s blog post is a continuation of a conversation on madness and genius which I began in previous blog called A Capsule of Madness: The Context. In the blog I was thinking out loud about what makes one person a genius and what makes another mad, using the case history of my late uncle Thente who was in fact a gifted child who ended up living and dying on the streets of Soweto. I wanted to explore ways in which madness and genius are different sides of the same coin. In telling the story I was attempting to elucidate my preoccupation with the different ways in which we misunderstand ourselves and each other and how these misunderstandings can lead to mental states of genius and or madness. I also wanted to explore ways in which we sometimes choose to misunderstand truth and accept reality as it is or more accurately how we often fail to accept the paradox of human nature and by extension life. Our inability to relax into the discomfort of life’s unknowns, our attempts to fix and make sense of the nonsensical can lead us to develop a number of neurosis or states of mental dis-ease in which we create alternative worlds where life is fixed according to the exact specifications of our individual desires.

T H E M E A N I N G O F P A I N

Like most human beings I am afraid of pain and have from time to time gone to great lengths to avoid it and when avoidance was impossible found ways to mask it, hide it, pretend it never happened. I have become a little better at facing my pain and conflict in my life, but even as I committed to a life of accepting pain, to bite the bullet as it were; I have often wondered what a world without pain would be like. Would it be blissful? Care free and enjoyable? A few months ago I received my answer. While watching re-runs of the Oprah show (Where are they now) on YouTube I came across the story of the baby who was born with a rare condition. She could not feel or perceive pain. At first I thought wow, that’s wonderful – finally evidence of a life without pain. But soon the tragedy of a pain free life stung like the juices of a chopped onion. When the baby developed teeth she started biting and chewing off at her own tongue so that doctors had to remove all her teeth before her tongue was gone. She couldn’t feel the pain. Later on she started poking at her eye and almost gauged it out. She is now partially blind because she didn’t know when it hurt. She couldn’t feel pain. In the household she is a danger to herself and others because she cannot feel pain. She has to be told, the water is hot, and the knife is sharp because while she cannot herself feel the pain it doesn’t mean that she does not bleed or injure herself and potentially those who are looking after her. She has to be under constant surveillance because she does not have a personal alarm system, pain.

P O L E S A P A R T

The show was an eye opener for me. It made me see and value the presence of pain in my body. But more than anything it made me see what happens to us mentally when we numb ourselves to emotional pain, when we refuse to feel the hurt we become like babies, in need of constant surveillance, because we are a danger to ourselves. We become a walking breathing hazard, not because we are malicious and intently evil. We are dangerous because we are ignorant of the injuries we are causing to ourselves and others by trying to not feel pain at all. We become emotionally deformed, and our scars, wounds and or neurosis while plainly visible to others remain hidden from ourselves, because we refuse to feel (see) it. In the past four weeks of my visit to Johannesburg – I met at least four people who told me that they were diagnosed with bi-polar syndrome. A mental dis-ease signified by extreme (manic) highs and extreme (depressive) lows. The subject came up randomly in conversation. They first told me the usual story of the dis-ease. It is a hereditary chemical imbalance in one’s body which causes a person to lose touch with reality. To be either manically excited (happy or destructive) or manically depressed or lack of energy. They told me that they were on medication to normalize the imbalance but often the result robbed them of all and any feelings. They become lifeless and vacant individuals without a personality. The living dead.

A S W E D I S C U S S E D T H E I S S U E D E E P E R

I discovered that the individuals had suffered enormous emotional trauma in their lives. One woman’s story started with an aversion to marriage. Brought on my desire to one day wed. She told me that she was recently divorced she had found married life restrictive and suffocating, she felt misunderstood by her husband and felt that they had grown apart, the discussion about her married life led her to tell me a story which was quite revealing. When she was 9 years old, she and her family were led to the morgue to identify her father’s body which was till crouched in defensive position when he died. He was shot she said. After that her entire life changed. Her family began to live life on the run, in hiding in unfamiliar neighbourhoods. Her father had been involved in some kind of gang and they had turned on him and his family. Her mother who was also bi-polar she told me, could not cope and was not always available to support her or help he understand what was happening. She was aware of how destructive she can be when she was in a manic phase which is why she took the medication. She had recently tried to kill herself and almost succeeded leaving a note to her 6 year old son that it was not his fault, but she hated the person she was when was on medication. Because she was no person at all. Her friend agreed. She told me that she understood by she needed to be on medication having witnessed a few of her manic episodes but she would rather have those than the person her friend became when she was medicated. Perhaps the solution is to change the dosage. She wondered at me. I couldn’t help feeling sad and trapped in a cycle. She believed that she had no power over her mind and her feelings

T H E R E A L I T Y

When the Sunday Times newspaper published a report in 2014 claiming that one in three South Africans (17 million) suffer from some form or other of mental dis-ease, the nation was up in arms and prompted Africa Check to corroborate the claims. Africa' Checks report concluded that the Sunday Times's report was not entirely accurate for several reasons including the fact that there are disagreements within the profession on what constitutes a mental disorder and or a mental illness. In addition the claims were made on the only representative study (SASH 2003-2004) on mental illness done in the country. Given the rate of domestic violence, violent crime, alcohol and drug abuse, poverty and inequality, the rate of dis-eases, and religious cults and pseudo prophets in the country, we really don't need a genius to to tell us that whatever the actual numbers, we need help and fast. The first step is to stop avoiding the pain. We must pay attention to what pains us so that we can figure out the most appropriate treatment. We must pay attention to the root-cause even as we take care of the often fearsome symptoms of our pain. Most people with the exception of the child on the Oprah show can feel pain. Pain exists for a reason. It is the abilty to feel pain that keeps us safe, both from hurting ourselves and from hurting others. Ignoring our pain, pretending it is not there, when it is, is what makes us dangerous. Pain is like the alarm system in your house which tells you when your boundaries have been crossed. Why would you ignore it?