INSIDE: THE OUTSIDER

This story was originally published on the 21 of January 2014. I thought that it might be useful to publish it again now as we think and talk about war. I hope it’ll offer another perspective on the psychology and or cycle of war. It starts with the small seemingly innocuous, innocent incidents like this true story below and many others which go unnoticed but continue to desensitise the public; you and I to violence. Making war a natural and desired aspect of life, acceptable to everyone at all levels of society, unless of course you are the target. I wrote this piece while working for a local television news network in South Africa.

A GOOD STORY

I was recently assigned to cover a story this week that went against every fibre of my being. As most stories do, it started off with good intentions.

We were all (the media) invited to witness a dream coming true for a terminally ill 12 year old boy. Through The Reach for a Dream Foundation the boy was asked to list three of his dreams which the foundation would help him realize in this life time, as a way of encouraging him to continue to fight against illness. He only had one wish. "I want to meet a sniper" he said.

Seven months later his dream came true. Reach for a Dream through the help of the South African Police Service (SAPS) was able to fulfil an impossible dream. But instead of just arranging for a simple meeting between a real-life sniper and the boy, they figured it would be more exciting for him if they offered him a much richer real life experience.

So they invited the young boy on a special mission called: "operation damsel in distress" where he would have to save a kidnapped woman who was being held hostage by terrorists. He was going to be part of the SAPS's Special Task Forces’ (professional national snipers) simulated training exercises which involved; jumping off a plane, parachuting down into the bush and going into simulated "battle" where real bombs were set off and real guns were being shot (with rubber bullets of course). The media "hand-picked" as we were, were asked to stay in the army trucks - because it would be too dangerous for us to follow him into battle. Even my colleague and camera-man got a fright of his life while shooting the simulated battle scene and often took cover from friendly fire. It was his first taste of “war”, a simulated war and he couldn’t handle it.

There were parts of the simulated exercise which we the media were excluded from observing to prevent national security breaches – the hostage house. From outside we could hear repeated gun fire intercepted by loud screams from the damsel being rescued. We were told that while conducting the operation the boy was given his own gun to handle, a rifle, to fire at the terrorist and free the damsel.

The happiness on his face when he came out was breath taking. His mother, father and sister watched tearfully on the side-lines. He looked like a changed person. He came out poised, confident with a satisfied smile on his face. His moment had arrived and he was ready for it.

Earlier while he was sky diving with the snipers, I stood next to the chief of the Task Force the Major General and listened as he watched in wonder how a12 year old’s dying wish could be to become a sniper. He found it incredible, but added that when the special task force found out about his wish, they wanted to do all they could to help him. First because theirs is an outsider’s job, they can’t be seen in public or talk about what they do and they are not generally admired as “good” people. So this boy’s wish touched their hearts. Then he wondered off as if speaking to himself and said it’s not often that police are commended for the dangerous work they do. Yes there are some bad apples but many are corrupted by society itself; the crime, murder, domestic violence scenes that they are called to resolve can turn any sane man mad. So it’s not just the police. Its society too he said. If the police are violent, it’s because we live in a highly violent society he concluded clasping his hand behind his back.

Later after his mission was complete I had a chance to ask him about the experience. He was beaming. How do you feel I asked? He replied "this is the day I will never forget" soon after he jumped off a chopper and was greeted by his parents and younger sister who watched on as the boy lived out his wildest dreams. The entire Special Task Force unit stood in salute to the little boy, who was congratulated by the Head of the Special task force and was given a certificate for completing his "mission" successfully.

As I watched on at this sweet scene, I could feel a war brewing inside me. I myself was living in a dream. I had imagined that when I get a chance to speak to him I would say “ hopefully you'll grow up to be a sniper of a different kind - like a camera man” - when he said " When I grow up I want to be one of them" he said pointing at the Task force still standing in attention to him. I asked him why he wanted to be a sniper and his answer was more considered and articulate than I had imagined " It's silent- you can never be seen, and you can shoot from afar" What did you like most about the experience another journalist asked "there was guns, bombs, everything you can ever dream of" he said nodding with such confidence I was sure he will definitely grow up to be one of them. I was more afraid of a dying 12 year old than of the snipers who were surrounding us. What can you tell others about your experience she continued "All I want to say is, don't forget your dreams and I really liked it, very much".

WHAT'S WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE

I was so conflicted I told my editor that I really can't do the story as that would amount to advocating for violence. A sniper is not just a nice sounding smooth English word. A sniper is a professional killer. A person skilled and trained to shoot at others from a concealed space. "To be a sniper you require, discipline, it is a highly skilled profession" said a senior journalist when I asked her about my ethical dilemma, "Would you say the same of a doctor who does Botox?" she asked " A doctor who does Botox inserts it into adult men and women who one assumes are mentally ready and stable to deal with the consequences, and you're not killing people" I responded, already feeling that I was attempting to fight a battle I had already lost. "Yes but we need snipers to protect governments, to protect the state, we can't have a state without snipers, it’s not the shooting that's the problem, it's the ideology" she said "You are censoring his dreams, it's not your dream, it's his dream, you can't choose his dreams for him". "Just treat it as a light story" said my editor insisting that we go ahead with the editing and final broadcast. I had asked the boy where he got the idea of being a sniper from - from television he said.

TWO STEPS BACK

I was told to "take a step back" remove yourself from the story. I had a number of problems with it. I wanted to at least discuss the story with someone. To talk about our role as the media in propagating violence. I wondered if we as the media should not hold ourselves accountable for what we present on television. If a 34 year old man said his dying wish was to be a killer we might think twice about it, but not with organized violence - licensed violence - and a little 12 year old's dream. The army and the police have a license too, then its fine, then you can dream about it and we'll all go out of our way to make sure that your dreams of killing people are fulfilled.

I really don't want to sensor anyone. It's not my place that is true.

But what does this story say about us, the media, the police, the reach for a dream foundation, society, and his parents? What does it say about the country we’re living in that a 12 year old's "dying" wish is to "kill"?

I said I probably shouldn't do the story - because I don't support violence, I'm against exposing children to violence, to guns, to bombs, to war. "Maybe your judgement is being clouded by the fact that you've been to war" my editor said. "This is a positive story" said the police official, so be mindful. In the end I thought yeah he could have his dream to meet and be a sniper for a day, but do we have to broadcast that? Do we have to show it to other little children that that’s a profession worth aspiring to?

The story was not a critical analysis, I felt like I was part of an advertising campaign, free publicity for the police saying “join the country's top killers" or "Protect Your Country - Join the Army". Do we need more snipers? The Major General said they were not too busy. “They train everyday just to stay current and be among the best snipers in the world. But they haven’t had a lot to do lately. "Objectivity is the aim of journalism” said the snr journalist "Our job is to observe and report" not to have views or to "think". I started to wonder if I didn’t end up in the wrong profession. "Don't judge - just let the story tell itself". "Think of yourself as a little 12 year old with a dream"

Yes I would very much like to be rescued by trained professionals where I to find myself in a hostage situation ala operation damsel in distress.

So I removed myself from the story and told it as it was, a story about a boy whose dream came true. No questions raised. Of course everyone loved the story when it went on air. But the experience left me heartbroken in places I never knew existed.

“Not everything that is faced can be changed. But nothing can be changed until it is faced”

James Baldwin